Light at the end of the tunnel!

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Alhamdulillaah! Children keep growing! Life brings new challenges, rather Allaah creates new situations for you! Your once set lifestyle takes a three hundred and sixty degrees turn! Routines are upside down! You long for sleep! You long for those memorable well organised homeschooling days! You dream of waking up fresh and energetic once again! You wish your little baby or toddler would help you make your day more productive! You yearn for that homeschool set up you had for years with all your materials and planning in place! You crave for those memorable moments of achieving your set goals. You wish you did not have to deal with pre teen syndromes in the house! You wish you were able to complete all that you planned for the year and you could get ready for the next year fresh! Furthermore, you just hope and hope that you settle back soon, Inshaa Allaah!

Home educating mums all around the world feel all of the above if not, even more, every now and then at some stage of their lives. Days and months and years may pass and you will still not feel you have done what you should have done! You may feel miserable especially during this time of the year where everyone is getting ready for a new school year! Changes may look so continuous! Relocation, illnesses, difficult pregnancies,  additions to the family, babies growing to be toddlers, young children growing up to be pre teens, pre teens becoming teenagers, once a little girl hitting puberty, sweet little boys entering manhood, change of attitudes in children, overnight behaviour changes, hormonal changes, family interferences, the list goes on and on! It may look like no end to your trials! But Alhamdulillaah hang on! There is indeed light at the end of the tunnel!

How many of us have said what is below,  year after year...

Yes, babies will grow, toddlers will be young children, preteens will enter puberty, teenagers will be adults, children will learn eventually what they need to learn and Allaah will make your situation better Inshaa Allaah. The believer's affair is indeed so amazing that every situation you are in, it is an opportunity to earn rewards if acted and reacted as what it demands! 

For us, it has been some really unsettled past few years with regard to homeschooling academically as well as Islamically, Qadrallaah. We have not been able to homeschool as we used to before for the last two to three years. We have had Ramlah, then many shiftings and relocations and still unsettled. There are days we wish that we could get back to that real study sessions and complete all that we want to learn and explore, dig deep into those books of the ulama and learn the important affairs, complete our innovative scrapbooks that we started a few years ago and much more.

I miss talking and discussing many different aspects and things with Maimoonah, I miss giving her all my time and attention, I miss planning and preparing lessons and projects for her, I miss initiating group activities and workshops so that she can have some out of the home learning, I miss our set up and our daily routine, I do feel bad that Maimoonah has to help a lot in taking care of Ramlah, and and and and, I can go on. But at the end of the day, Allaah blessed us with sweet Ramlah, she will grow and she is growing, Maimoonah is learning new skills of taking care of a baby sister, she is understanding her responsibilities and she is growing up too! And yes our situation will get better Inshaa Allaah.

 But with all what is going on comes more challenges to face with Maimoonah,  like a change of behaviour, lack of paying attention, losing focus, mood swings, over protection of her sister, socialising issues, being too playful and not serious with matters that are important, lack of concentration, difficulty in getting back to a routine etc..

I am sure most of us will have to deal with the above or even more throughout this noble journey. So what is the solution?

As always the first thing to do is going back to Allaah. Throughout this homeschooling and parenting journey at every point of a barrier or a hiccup the best action to take is to raise the hands and seek help and guidance from Allaah. This will surely bring tranquillity and a solution Inshaa Allaah.

Next is to identify the root of the problem. Why is the change? In our case, I know the root is not having enough time to give that once given full attention to Maimoonah. Therefore she does have mood swings plus it is her preteen years and there are hormonal changes happening too. So I need to remind myself and work out accordingly.

Another cause is her added responsibility of taking care of her little sister. Why is she having some socialising issues especially relating to Ramlah? What I mean here is that she sometimes reacts hypothetically when Ramlah is about to fall or touch something dangerous and yells at others around her may it be us her parents or anyone else. She also has the habit of snatching Ramlah away from even the relatives if she feels that Ramlah will encounter some danger. This hurts people around her, which is reasonable. The root cause here is not jealousy. Alhamdulillah she has not had this trait from even very small days. May Allaah protect her continuously from not having it for the wrong purpose. Aameen. But she is simply over protective of her sister. And this is the only way she thinks best to react. This behaviour brings rifts between relationships and can cause misunderstandings. We as her parents understand her but it is unreasonable to expect others to understand. Therefore we need to firmly admonish her to be mindful of others and make her realise her mistake in hurting others and at the same time make her know that we appreciate her taking that big responsibility of taking care of her sister. I personally feel if this kind of behaviour continues it is best to not expose her into such situations at least for some time, until she grows up and understands with age and maturity, as changing overnight is something that cannot be expected from a child. Inshaa Allaah this phase will pass! Hope and Hope! Indeed a refreshing blessing from Allaah!

I have mentioned these couple of challenges in the post for my own records as well for Maimoonah to read and understand one day plus to address few of the concerns of some sisters who have emailed me. I am sure each of our households have many different challenges to over come every now and then. For me these have been something new therefore I desperately needed to find answers and solutions for them. Taking some time to think and blog makes gives me reassurance to handle things appropriately and provides that peace of mind, Alhamdulillaah. And yes sharing will always help another human being who is going through the same inshaa Allaah.

So, we need to work on cultivating firmness, we need to build her self-esteem, we need to appreciate her shyness while teaching her to stand firm with her words and actions upon truth, we need to establish the fear of Allaah in her heart, we need to give her that much-needed stability, we need to show her appreciation, we need to make her understand that we understand her, we need to assure her that we will be there for her when she falls, we need to make her feel stress free, we need to cherish her cheerful disposition, we just need to make her comfortable to be who she is, of course with what is right!  A new episode begins at the age of ten for Maimoonah as well as us! May Allaah guide us throughout, Aaameen.

Inshaa Allaah we hope to start our school work soon once we are settled. Routine and a space of our own will provide more stability and consistency Inshaa Allaah. With Ramlah growing up we can once again do more interesting learning and exploring, find places to go and meet people, attend interesting workshops and more! And yes we are waiting to start preschool with Ramlah!!!

Indeed there is light at the end of the tunnel! Just hang on there and keep your duty to Allaah! Patience, Patience, Patience!

Finally, I end my musings with this wonderful promise of Allaah!

 The Messenger sallAllaahu `alayhi wa sallam said:

مَنْ يَتَصَبَّر يُصَبِّرْهُ الله

man yatasabbar yusabbirhullaah

Whoever exerts himself to have patience and pushes himself, when he doesn't think that he can be patient anymore, Allaah will grant him success and Allaah will make him patient because of his struggle.

Source: Collected by Ahmad in his Musnad (3/12) from the narration of Aboo Sa’eed al-Khudree. It was also collected by al-Bukhaaree (1469) and Muslim (1089) with a longer wording. The narration found in the Musnad opens with the quoted wording

Translated by Abul-`Abbaas Moosaa Richardson who added ‘Note: The translations may seem a bit lengthy for only a few words in Arabic, but they are heavy Arabic phrases employing lots of linguistic devices.’
(Source)