بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Alhamdulillaah 7 years of parenting, 5 years of homeschooling! Yes , Need Rectification!
As we finished our last school year I have been thinking how we really fared, what are the drawbacks, what are the achievements, where did we go wrong, what did we do well and what needs to be done to improve! Rectification!
Last year has been a happening year as there were lots of changes, challenges and struggles with regard to homeschooling, family commitments and the growing little personality. And I feel most of the time I did not handle things well as a homeschooler, teacher and as a parent, Allaah knows best! Hence need Rectification!
We as parents, teachers and especially homeschoolers go through these different stages in our lives where we suddenly find the kids are different as they grow and we are stressed. I know this because many other sisters have written to me the same phase that they go through with homeschooling their kids. I tell them WE need Rectification!
The purpose and need of humans, is that they rectify the things related to their worldly affairs and the afterlife. The path to attaining that is through sound intellect (guided by the Qur’aan and the Sunnah) and its symbol is the selection of affairs through discernment, and the accomplishment of discernment through determination.
[Al-Adabus Sagheer Wal-Kabeer of ibnu Muqaffah: page: 43 and Al-Muntaqaa Min Butoonil Kutub: page: 6]
Powerful saying, Maashaa Allaah! But tells us how to Rectify ourselves so precisely. Alhamdulillaah!
Here is where we need to refresh and think back why did we really embark into this journey of homeschooling? Didn't we all want this for the sake of Allaah alone! We did not want our children to be victims of the secular world rather we wanted them to be true slaves of Allaah with knowledge and actions that would make them earn the pleasure of Allaah! We wanted to make them the children of hereafter! We wanted them to get the much needed Tarbiyah or Cultivation from us! Right?
Hence with this refreshment and keeping in mind that 7 years mark is a milestone where it becomes obligatory upon us to command the Islaamic regulations and duties upon the child and we are responsible and accountable for it before Allaah, I am just noting down some of the areas that I need to understand and rectify Inshaa Allaah with the help and Mercy of Allaah. If you are in the same phase then it may help you too Inshaa Allaah!
- Constantly seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaitaan in every slightest situation of anger building up. Anger is the root cause for mishandling the kids.
- Continuous Duaa, despair not the Mercy of Allaah.
- Engage the kids in the conversation as much as possible. As they grow they need more attention, more than what we think.
- Give responsibilities and give specific praise when they are carried out well, encourage when they slip, never criticise and demoralize the child.
- Get organized to the extreme. Most of the time things do not go smooth when lunch is not cooked nor have no idea what to cook.
- Start a lesson when you are really ready with the lesson plans and resources. In case you are not ready with them do some thing else. When you do not know what to teach you get stressed and the child takes advantage.
- Build up a strong relationship by listening to the kids with true attentiveness and sincerity. Take a walk in the evenings just listening to them and talking to them, topics can vary from the lessons from a life story of the sahabah to anything beneficial.
- Lessen the number of times we say "Keep Quiet" to a child.
- Compromise at times. You have an important email to send someone, your kid wants to show you something she has made with the lego. Just take some time to look at it.
- Be consistent in showing firmness.
- Stick to a routine and when you have to alter it for some reason explain to the kids why you are changing things.
- Stop sounding like a military officer. Some kids may be fine with this but most do not like commanding, instead get things done as we would get things done by an adult!
- Keep the tone low always. Other words stop shouting! Maintain Calm all the way!
- Read aloud at least for half hour every day. Even if the kids at this age are excellent readers, they still love to hear us read to them. The best book to read aloud would the Book of Allaah!
- Stop worrying too much about the worldly affairs or any issues that come your way. Allaah is sufficient for us. Keep to the duties of Allaah and have tawakkul.
- Always remember that Children and wealth are indeed trails to us. ""Indeed, your wealth and children are a trial." [Al-Qur'an 64:15]
Anything else to add to this. Please feel free to leave a comment and share your experiences!
May Allaah make us of those who are grateful to Him in all situations and May He help us throughout in cultivating our children for His pleasure alone and keep our children firm upon His Straight Path and grant them and us the highest place in Jannah. Aameen!